Valentines’ Day is coming up, and well-meaning people will be following the media’s formula for making the day special.

Heart-shaped chocolate, jewellery, a bouquet of roses or a sweet teddy bear. The promise of a happy recipient, romance and love are the messages marketers use.  Unless of course, receiving gifts is not your valentines love language.

And if that is the case, it can leave you both feeling deflated and misunderstood. 

Love languages is a concept that Dr Gary Chapman, PhD, author, speaker and counsellor developed through his work as a marriage counsellor.

There are 5 categories for expressing and receiving love. Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. 

I am a quality time person, so I feel loved when I get to spend time with the people I care about. So if someone were to give me a gift, I would appreciate the thought, but if that person asked me to go out for a walk with them I would love that more.

We tend to like a little of all the categories, but there is usually 1 that stands out from the rest. 

The best way to discover your love language is by taking the test.

I don’t like to admit it, but there have been a few special occasions over the years that have been ruined by my inability to express what I needed to feel loved. 

Once I understood my love language I was able to let my hubby know, and this improved our relationship hugely. It can be hard to buy the perfect gift when it turns out your wife isn’t really into gifts.

Love languages are not only for couples. It is also very beneficial for kids too. As parents, it can help us understand the unique way our kids receive love. 

So maybe this Valentine’s Day you could write some encouraging words, cook dinner, buy a gift, do an activity or give your loved one a hug.