It was my son’s 16th birthday recently and he had a few friends stay over. They are a great bunch of guys with different personalities, but what they all had in common was that they liked to blow things up.

A plan was hatched over pizza to light some cascades which were conveniently leftover from Guy Fawkes.

But they weren’t happy with just lighting them, they had to duct tape several of them together for a bigger bang. 

Then to my surprise, the boys started using their teeth and pliers to squeeze the firework. I still have no idea why, I think it was to create some other kind of effect.

To make things more interesting the cascades were lit and then loaded into a plastic bottle while trying to screw the lid on before they blew.  And when that got boring, they would simply throw them at each other.

I don’t always understand teenage boy behaviour, but my husband assures me that the play fights, swearing, loud cars, loud music and loud voices are all pretty standard stuff.

Ian Grant, author of Growing Great Boys says, “Teenage boys need big doses of adventure and adrenalin.”

Adventure and healthy risk-taking are important parts of growing up. It gives our kids a chance to overcome challenges, build resilience and assess risks.  

But with risk-taking, it is also important to have boundaries in place. The rule with the fireworks was to not throw them by the cars. The rule was slightly bent, but I think that was more of a misaim. 

In Steve Biddulph’s book Raising Boys, he shares these words from an old scoutmaster. “Boys will push the boundaries so they need to know the rules and how far they can push them. Who’s in charge, what are the rules, and will those rules be fairly enforced?”

Biddulph goes on to say, “Boys feel insecure and in danger if there isn’t enough structure in a situation. If no one is in charge, they begin jostling with each other to establish the pecking order. 

Their testosterone-driven make-up leads them to want to set up hierarchies, but they can’t always do it because they are all the same age. If we provide structure, then they can relax.”

As a female and a mother, the behaviour of boys doesn’t always make sense to me. It can make me feel a bit on edge. But under all that noise and sometimes reckless behaviour, are young men who are learning to make decisions and figure out their world. 

Our job is to make sure fair boundaries are in place so they have a safe environment to learn in. 

‘The recipe for fun is pretty simple raising boys. Add to any activity an element of danger, stir in a little exploration, add a dash of destruction, and you’ve got yourself a winner!’

John Eldredge – Wild at Heart.