When my kids first started school I would pick them up full of questions about their day. I knew that they were tired but I just couldn’t help myself. How was your day, who did you play with, did you eat your lunch?

They weren’t very good open-ended questions, so obviously I didn’t get much information. The kids just wanted to have their afternoon tea and watch sponge bob in peace.

So over the years, I have been slowly learning to keep my urgent questions to myself and to be available for when they are ready to talk.

This is why I treat those moments as if my kids were celebrities. If they make themselves available to hang out with me, I will stop what I am doing and engage with them. By doing this I get to find out about what is happening in their world.

It’s important to really listen in these scarce moments with our teens. Give your teenager your full attention and look at them. Just as you would if someone very important or famous were talking to you. 

Put your phone down and turn off other distractions like the TV. And here is one I struggle with, listen to what is being said without interrupting or offering solutions.

Australian parenting website raisingchildren.net.au suggests that teenagers benefit from just knowing that you are there. You might be in the kitchen when your teen is in their bedroom, but they know that you are accessible. 

Teenagers don’t always want to work to their parent’s schedules. I have had many late-night talks with my kids because that is often when the concerns of the day would come out.

Is it inconvenient? Yes, it is, especially when you are tired and want to go to bed. Even though the parenting journey may seem long it actually goes by really fast. So don’t miss the opportunity to talk with your teenager when they do materialise.

In my experience, teenagers don’t always want to have a face to face conversation. It can feel awkward. Car rides are a great way to talk without eyeballing each other. 

Even though being your teen’s personal Uber can be drudgery, keep in mind it won’t be long before they don’t need you to drive them around anymore! 

“If every parent sat on the end of their child’s bed at night and debriefed about their day, 90 per cent of my work as a therapist would be unnecessary.” – David Riddell, therapist and author