During the Covid19 lockdown, we were made to rethink the way we lived life. We were no longer commuting to work or going to any social activities. Our kids attended school online and we changed the way we shopped.

We got used to the slower pace of life, and it was easy to imagine what our future routines could look like. During this time of respite, we made promises to ourselves that our schedules would change after lockdown.  

My promise was to keep having our family meals together. I really enjoyed and treasured eating dinner together. We had nowhere to be, and no one to hang out with, just the 4 of us in our bubble.

I didn’t have to think about who was home for dinner at what time, or what meals could survive reheating and still taste ok. I didn’t have to half cook a meal only to race off to pick up my daughter from the dance studio. I started to enjoy cooking again because I wasn’t having to google, ‘make ahead’ or ‘quick and easy’ meals for busy families.

The table would be set properly with placemats, napkins and candles. Some days I would pick foliage from the garden and put it in a mason jar as a centrepiece. Smooth jazz played on the stereo to set the atmosphere for a relaxed dinner, which didn’t last long, because to be honest, teenagers hoover up their food in record time. 

Since lockdown, those kinds of dinners together are few. Some nights it’s just me, hubby and one of the kids. Or both kids are home but mum and dad are out. I recently saw a text conversation on one of those nights between my son and daughter; “What’s for dinner?” “Soup”. “Gross”. “I know, I’m in my room eating chocolate, want some?” And some nights it’s just me and hubby and the kids are out.

So when we do strike a night where we are all together, I try to make it something to look forward to by making a dessert or buying takeaways. 

There is research to suggest that there are many benefits of eating together as a family. Dr Anne Fishel is a family therapist and co-founder of The Family Dinner Project. She says, “In a New Zealand study, a higher frequency of family meals was strongly associated with positive moods in adolescents. Similarly, other researchers have shown that teens who dine regularly with their families also have a more positive view of the future, compared to their peers who don’t eat with parents”.

Dr Fishel also points out that the atmosphere around the dinner table is important. “If family members sit in stony silence, if parents yell at each other, or scold their kids, family dinner won’t confer positive benefits. Sharing a roast chicken won’t magically transform parent-child relationships. But, dinner may be the one time of the day when a parent and child can share a positive experience. A well-cooked meal, a joke, or a story. These small moments can gain momentum to create stronger connections away from the table.”

We have always eaten dinner together, right from the early years. That stage of parenting came with its own set of problems, but now time seems to be the biggest enemy, not broccoli. 

So I’ve got a beef stew slowly cooking on this wintery Friday night. Later its comforting aroma will draw us all to the dinner table. It will be noisy, it will be chaotic, and there is bound to be a bit of indigestion. But we will still get to enjoy some valuable connection time together.

“As a family therapist, I often have the impulse to tell families to go home and have dinner together rather than spending an hour with me. And 20 years of research in North America, Europe and Australia back up my enthusiasm for family dinners.” – Dr Anne Fishel.