It was going to be about a 40-minute trip and we appeared to be on track to leave a little early, if not on time. I was getting ready to drive my son to an appointment. But somehow those extra minutes just seemed to disappear without my knowledge and all of a sudden we were running late.

I got into the car and sat on the driveway with the engine running and I started to feel slightly annoyed as I waited for said son to join me in the car. Another minute had passed on the clock, and I tried to calculate if we could still make it to the appointment on time. Then the rain started to fall. Well, we definitely would be late now as I tend to drive a bit slower when it’s wet. But how late, 5 minutes maybe?

The passenger door opened and as my son hurriedly got in and put on his seatbelt I fired a frustrated remark at him, “You know we are going to be late.” His calm response made me prickle, “Well, there’s nothing we can do about that now.” He was right, there was no point getting all worked up about the situation, but still, I could feel that I was clenching my jaw. 

We drove in silence until we reached the first lot of roadworks a mere 5 minutes into our trip. The silence was broken by the sounds of my huffing and puffing as I glanced at the clock. I leaned forward over the steering wheel hoping to see the red stop sign in the distance spin around to the green side which said go. He sat quietly, seemingly oblivious to my agitation, and looked at his phone. 

We crawled at a snail’s pace through the roadworks and once we got through I was like a horse out of the gates until I caught up to the next traffic snake. A long exhale of annoyance loosened my clamped jaw as we inched along. Minutes later we had made it to the open road where finally the traffic could spread out and flow. My shoulders relaxed and dropped down a little and I felt my tense knuckles loosen on the steering wheel. But we hadn’t arrived at our destination yet and we were still on track to be late. 

30 minutes later I turned off the state highway to the suburbs and was greeted by diggers, trucks, and a crew of road workers in bright hi-vis gear complete with a red stop sign. At this point, I decided to give up on being uptight. “This is cool,” I sarcastically said to my son. I was trying to extend an olive branch so I could break the silence. I felt embarrassed about my behaviour. Thankfully he was gracious and we began to talk and laugh.

Our teens are watching us, they have been since they were toddlers, and our behaviour has shaped their behaviour. I know that sounds scary! You are probably recalling times you would rather forget, but thankfully teenagers are working towards becoming autonomous, so they will be shaping their own beliefs, values, and opinions. This is good news for us because there is no such thing as a perfect parent and we will stuff up on occasion. 

It’s interesting that even though both my son and I don’t like the stress of running late and rushing, we had very different reactions to the exact same experience in the car that day. “The student became the master.” By observing his behaviour, I saw what I needed to work on myself. He wasn’t scowling or muttering away to himself, he had accepted that we were going to be late and he couldn’t change that, so he put on his headphones and enjoyed the ride.  He had the right perspective, no amount of frustration or anger was going to wind back the hands of time.

You might already be aware of some of the responses you would like to change. Stress is a huge part of parenting teenagers. There are so many ups and downs and emotions! Consider how you respond to stress. Do you have a drink, and then another, or do you blow up in anger? If you don’t like conflict you may withdraw or give in just to keep the peace.

Our teenagers are getting older and so are we. As you look in the mirror what are you saying about yourself in front of your kids? Are you complaining about your appearance? I think it is really important that we are aware of what we say about our weight and looks in front of our teenage daughters especially. The media is constantly screaming at them to be thin and pretty so they need to see a strong positive role model at home.

How we treat other people matters too. If we backstab or gossip our teens will think that is a normal way to behave. If your teen sees you as a reliable and honest friend who knows how to apologise, you are teaching them to become good and loyal friends. You are modelling what a healthy friendship looks like.

We have busy lives and so do our teenagers. Self-care is not selfish. It is necessary to keep sane and parent well. Our young people feel the pressure, so we need to teach them to look after themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My teenagers see me exercise, enjoy hobbies and take naps on the weekend. They know I have a Christian faith and that I pray. They don’t necessarily follow my self-care script, but I am teaching them that it is more than O.K to take time to look after themselves.

When we become aware of our behaviour we can choose to do something about it. It is unrealistic to think we will always respond perfectly while parenting teens. The good news is, that when we do make mistakes we have a chance to model how to make amends.

And in case you were wondering, we made it to the appointment about 6 minutes late. As I pulled over to the curb to enter the driveway, I was welcomed by more wretched orange cones and barriers. Fortunately, I was able to muster up a wry smile in disbelief at yet another roadworks obstacle.