This morning I was bewildered to discover that my last blog post was written over 9 months ago. It seems the pandemic had engulfed my life and whipped away that time without my knowledge. 

I had made the choice during the Auckland lockdown not to write. I was drowning in a sea of excess information, conflicting voices and advice. I was tired of hearing other people’s opinions and I felt that surely others must be feeling the same way as me. I was suffering from what I can only describe as some kind of information fatigue, and I didn’t want to add my voice to the already deafening noise.

That said, I think that paying attention to some news is beneficial as it keeps us informed. But we need to know when to switch off. Bleak headlines and inflamed exchanges on social media can have a cumulative effect on our health resulting in anxiety, fatigue, sleep issues and depression. 

Psychologist Dr David Lewis says, “Having too much information can be as dangerous as having too little. Among other problems, it can lead to a paralysis of analysis, making it far harder to find the right solutions or make the right decisions.” 

It can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster when it comes to processing information, and the most exhausting emotion of all is anger. Anger is a secondary emotion, and usually what is lying underneath the feeling of anger is actually fear or sadness. Chronic anger can also lead to increased anxiety, insomnia, brain fog and fatigue. 

I’m the kind of person that needs accuracy, certainty, fairness and normality. It’s fair to say that the pandemic has not met my needs. I see a wonderful counsellor who described the world that we are currently living in as a paradox in which many people are struggling because we aren’t used to living this way.

‘The pandemic paradox: hope and hardship, in equal measure’ written by Dr Hans Henri P. Kluge, illustrates the paradox idea further.

“This paradox, where communities sense an end is in sight with the vaccine but, at the same time, are called to adhere to restrictive measures in the face of a new threat, is causing tension, angst, fatigue and confusion. This is completely understandable in these circumstances.”

Imagine you are on a seesaw moving up and down. You can see both sides of an argument and even agree to opposing perspectives or seemingly illogical findings. But all that seesawing is tiring, and eventually, you need to find the middle to regain your balance and feel centred. 

I’m embarrassed to say, during lockdown I would traipse bleary-eyed to my computer first thing in the morning, even before I put the jug on, to read the headlines. I had to know the latest up to the minute information on covid numbers, level changes and what the epidemiologists’ were saying. This quickly became a habit, and even though I recognised my behaviour was causing me anxiety, stress, worry and anger the pull of the sensational headlines was too strong. And while I am confessing, I couldn’t help but be captivated by the heated exchanges and outlandish claims and opinions on social. 

Eventually, my bad habit helped me realise that enough was enough. I was exhausted. I traded in my habitual headline reading for a cup of tea on the deck in the still of the morning and limited my media consumption. Covid is an insidious shape-shifter that has taught me I have less control over my life than I thought I did. But what I do have control over is what I choose to give my attention to. My choices give me the power to turn the volume up or reduce the noise in my world.