Over the past month, I have been watching the pile of clothes on my son’s bedroom floor with interest. As the pile increases in height and width, I wonder just how long he plans to keep his room this way. When will he run out of clean clothes? Should I ask him to pick them up? Or should I just wait and see how it plays out? 

Teenagers are notorious for having untidy bedrooms. And up until recently, it was a rule in our house that bedrooms were to be kept tidy. So what’s changed? Well, the kids are older and busier. They are dealing with a whole lot of ‘teen things’ like hormones, relationships, and school. 

The uphill battle of reminding and nagging was just frustrating me. So I decided to experiment and see what natural consequences would come from letting the kids rule their rooms.

 It was my sneaky way of getting back at them. Surely, I thought, they would feel the pain of having to wear dirty socks or a crumpled school uniform. But the kids actually outsmarted me. They somehow managed to get the important stuff near the laundry basket.

I started to question why teens like to live this way, and if it really matters? The internet is divided on the subject of a messy room vs a tidy room. There is fear that our young adults will make terrible roommates, and, unorganised, hopeless spouses.

Parents worry that an untidy room will create an untidy mind. Their teens will feel out of control and stressed. Parents are also concerned that their teen is hiding something sinister among the mess.

Other parents were of the opinion that it was fine to live in a messy room. That way, the teen could express themselves and relax in an environment that they had control over. Because let’s face it, they don’t have control over too many things in their world.

Frances Jensen is a neuroscientist and a mother of two boys. She explains what is going on in the developing teenage brain, and offers insight into the messy tendencies. 

“In teenage brains, the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully connected yet to the other regions of the brain. Like the region that seeks pleasure and reward.”

“This lack of connectivity means that the part of our brain trying to have fun isn’t in full communication with the part that controls judgements, risk assessments and impulse control. The secret to their messy behaviour is in their brains.”

I know life isn’t all about fun, and sometimes we just have to do the boring and mundane stuff. But it helps us to understand that it may not be just a bad attitude. The teenage brain is still developing, and ‘fun’ and ‘cleaning’ just don’t marry up yet.

Personally, I like to sleep in a made bed. I like the way it feels and I like the way it looks. I feel organised for the day when my bed is made. This isn’t the case with my kids, and I am beginning to accept that. One will pull the blankets up in an attempt to make it, the other, well, it just looks like some kind of nest.

There are still rules in place for the rest of the house when it comes to keeping things tidy. Our teens contribute around the house and do their jobs. I still insist on hygiene and safety in the bedrooms. There has to be a clear path from the bed to the door, and dirty dishes and food have to be bought out to the kitchen.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer when it comes to your teenager’s room. If your teen is feeling stressed out or overwhelmed, their mess might actually be their sanctuary. Or, depending on their personality, a tidy room might be more relaxing or calming when things feel out of control. 

Children learn from what is being modelled to them.  And if your’s have grown up in a tidy, organised environment, I am sure they will have the skills and knowledge to tidy their rooms in the future. After all, I slept in an unmade bed for most of my teen years and now you could bounce a coin off mine.