Have you ever come away from a parent/teacher interview feeling deflated and frustrated? “Could do better, talks too much or needs to develop better work habits.” “Hey teachers, how about a compliment sandwich?” Surely all that negativity won’t help motivate a teen. From what I have learnt about the teenage brain so far, it will probably make the student feel useless and have a negative impact on the student/teacher relationship.

The teens in my world agree that the teachers they respect the most are the ones who treat them like young adults. They enjoy the classes where teachers can have a laugh with them, and engage in conversation while still having control over the classroom. 

Now that the days of the star chart are over, and the external motivation of stickers and lollies has dried up, how do we motivate our teens to do their best? 

Nagging, cajoling, threatening and bribing doesn’t work with teens (remember, they want to be treated as adults, that is why there is tension in our relationship with them). The motivation needs to come from within. Now let that sink in for a moment. We need to take the back seat and let our teens find a reason to be motivated.

It isn’t easy to be hands-off, and I struggle with the idea as I see so much potential and opportunity for my teens. They are in a battle of managing their independence and freedom while working towards leading their own lives. We need to give them the opportunity to struggle, fail, problem solve and succeed.

Leave the problem with your teen. Do they need more money? Help them write up a c.v and apply for a job. If they are a younger teen, provide them with ways to make some money around the home. If we continually rescue our teens from their problems, they will have no reason to be self-motivated as they won’t feel the pain of the consequence.

We shouldn’t expect our teens to excel in everything, I know I don’t. And it is worth rewarding the effort instead of the outcome. We should celebrate any win no matter how small it is.

The future can be scary and stressful for a teen, especially if they don’t have a clear direction of where they want to land. Career expos are a good place to start to explore options and the qualifications needed for any future job. Also, looking into university and the course requirements is another good way to boost motivation.

If at all possible, when the timing is right, have a relaxed conversation with your teen about their future dreams and goals. It doesn’t matter if it’s not academic, they don’t have to know the plan of how to get there, just enjoy exploring possibilities. 

Tell your teens the things you think they are good at, both skills and personality traits, as being kind and inclusive are just as important as being book smart.

And if your teen doesn’t know what they are good at, or doesn’t like talking about that kind of stuff, then see if they will take a personality test. There are plenty of great resources online, and the results can be helpful for your teen to understand themselves, their strengths, and give them a self-esteem boost.

Personality tests that we have used.

www.gallup.com

16personalities.com

attitude.org.nz/personality-test/