If you are reading this post then my guess is that you want a better relationship with your teenager. You’re tired of the arguments and tension and want to understand them more. Teenagers can be challenging, but most of them want to have a good relationship with their parents. But sadly a lot of our teens don’t know how to express their feelings or think that they can’t talk about the hard stuff with their parents. 

Reasons why your teen might not be talking to you

• They don’t think you will understand
• They don’t want to worry you
• They fear punishment or judgement
• They don’t want to disappoint you
• They don’t want you to get angry
• They don’t want you to fix the problem for them
• They worry about your feelings and want to protect you

If your teen has opened up to you about a big issue they are facing it can be hard to keep your feelings and emotions in check. Listening more than speaking, and remaining calm will encourage your teen to talk without fear of punishment or being a disappointment. Love and approval should never be conditional, and sometimes there are no words, especially when we are dealing with grief or sadness. Maybe all we can offer at that time is a hug and our presence.

I was curious to know the thoughts of teenagers towards their parents, so I asked a few local teenagers “What they wished their parents knew” and here are some of their responses.

What your teens want you to know

• “I wish my mum would give me more personal space.”
• “I wish they knew that I’m not angry with them even though I may take it out on them, but I don’t mean to.”
• “Just because we spend time on our phones doesn’t mean we are addicted to it.”
• “I feel invisible most of the time and would like them to help me.”
• “I wish my parents knew a bit more about my hobbies.”
• “I wish my parents knew that I’m not lazy just sometimes I’m too tired to even move and it’s really hard.”
• “I wish my dad would spend more time with me.”
• “That I’m trying really hard to live up to their standards.”
• “That Im actually a good kid and I’m not a disappointment compared to every other teenager.”
• “I wish they would notice when I do things right instead of focusing on when I do things wrong.”

I must admit that some of the comments made by this group of teens saddened me. It seems that a lot of our young people don’t want to disappoint their parents and are feeling like they don’t measure up. Teenagers are tired, they are stressed, they doubt their worth, and they are doing the best that they can. They need our support, understanding and consistent love.

If you do find it difficult to talk to your teen then it is a good idea to find other adults or mentors who can be involved in their lives. It can be healthy for them to hear another perspective or vent about how annoying their parents are. 

“If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, emphatic, consistent, loving parent.”  –  Stephen Covey