1. It’s not if you are bright, it’s how you are bright

This is one of the mantras at my son’s high school, and I love it. I love it because it offers hope to every student because every student has talents, skills and potential. Sometimes it is just a matter of figuring out what they are.

Help your teen to discover what they are good at by providing opportunities to try new things. Watch them and discover what they are naturally drawn to and encourage them in those areas. Every school offers something different in terms of culture and learning. If your teen isn’t happy at school it might be worth looking at other options. A change of school could be a turning point for them. 

2. Not so obvious signs of an anxious or depressed teen

The signs of mental illness aren’t always obvious. Just because a person has depression doesn’t mean they will cry all the time, or that an anxious teen is quiet and shy. Anxiety and depression can look like,

• Persistent fatigue, not just at the end of the day but feeling tired all the time
• Putting on a happy face around company. Otherwise known as smiling depression
• An excessive need for details
• Regularly cancelling plans or looking for an out to say no to invites
• Aggressive behaviour or anger
• Disinterest during a conversation or appearing aloof
• Restlessness and fidgeting
• Making jokes or over talking to fill any awkward silence
• Brain fog and an inability to make decisions
• Appears to be abrupt or uses a harsh tone
• Sensitivity to light or sounds
• Not responding to texts or calls

Talk with your teen if you are concerned about their mental health. And if your teen needs help contact your doctor or a counsellor.

3. Energy drinks

Teenagers love them because they provide an energy boost to shake off any feelings of tiredness. The problem is energy drinks contain high levels of caffeine and sugar, so what goes up, must come down. And the coming down can make them feel even more tired and irritable. Energy drinks can lead to health problems such as,

• Feeling sick, stomach aches and diarrhoea
• Anxiety and panic attacks. I have been told by two different counsellors that energy drinks are not helpful for teens suffering with anxiety
• Headaches and lack of concentration
• Affecting your mood
• Not being able to get enough sleep
• Tooth decay
• Weight gain
• A caffeine dependence  

There can be as much as 15 teaspoons of sugar in an energy drink so there really isn’t any nutritional value. Your teen might want to consider a cup of coffee or tea instead.

4. Writing things down helps you remember what you are learning

Your teen will have their own unique way of studying and learning. Studies have shown that writing things down by hand helps you to remember the information better than if you type it out. Because writing by hand is slower, it forces your brain to process the information into your memory.

Before we write we are putting more thought into sorting and ordering the information we are receiving. This has definitely been helpful for me when I have been learning new techniques at Aikido. Although I am learning the techniques visually, audibly and physically, I often write notes the next day to make sense of the new information I have received.

If you are listening to a teacher taking a lesson, or an online tutorial, note-taking by hand filters out the unnecessary information, and hangs on to the important stuff. And the added bonus of writing with a pen and paper is there aren’t the distractions of your device. 

5. Sometimes the most toxic relationship you’ll have to get out of is the one with yourself

This quote is a good reminder that we spend a lot of time in our own heads, so it pays to be nice to ourselves. Sadly, it is easy for our teens to speak and think negatively about themselves. They feel a lot of pressure socially and academically, so it’s no surprise that insecurities and judgement sneak into their thought life.

A good way to get your teen to assess their self-talk is by asking them if they would speak to a friend the way they speak to themselves. Or what advice they would offer a friend if they were dealing with the same problem. Our words or thoughts towards ourselves are very powerful, they can build us up or tear us down. Remember to be generous with compliments and encouragement to build your teen’s self-esteem. 

6. We need hugs

Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” That is a lot of hugs! So why do we need hugs? Because they can;

• Reduce pain, fear and stress
• Help our muscles relax
• Increase our happiness and overall feeling of well-being
• Make us feel secure
• Help us live in the present moment
• Show us that we are loved
• Reduce feelings of sadness

8 hugs a day might be a bit of an unrealistic goal to set with your teenager. If you are like me, you are lucky if you get 1 hug a day as they rush in and out of the house. And if that’s the case then a pat on the back, a touch on the arm, or a cheeky side hug will still give you and your teen a meaningful, physical connection.