I don’t like the term teenage angst. It conjures up negative images of apathetic brooding teenagers who hate themselves and the world they live in. A kinder way to look at angst is recognising that our teens are going through huge hormonal changes which make them feel insecure, anxious, overwhelmed and sometimes unwanted.

Depression and anxiety are diagnosable mental health disorders but there is no medical definition for teen angst. So how can we tell if our teenager is simply going through an angsty patch or if it is something more serious? 

Behaviour that could indicate your teen needs to talk to a counsellor

• Trouble shaking off a low mood 
• Feelings of aggression and irritability 
• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
• Isolating from friends and family
• School avoidance
• Too much or not enough sleep
• Self-harm
• Talking about suicide or suicide attempts
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Not eating enough or eating too much 
• Feelings of hopelessness and mood swings

As parents, we want to help our kids solve their problems but some problems call for the help of a professional. Your teen might not like the idea of talking to a counsellor because of the stigma still attached to mental health challenges or simply because they don’t know what to expect. We need to normalise counselling for them. A useful way to explain counselling is that they are getting an impartial third party to help them solve a difficult issue with no judgement.

Finding the best counsellor for your teen can take a bit of time and effort. It is a good idea for your teen to see their GP first as they may want to do some blood tests and discuss medication if necessary. A GP can also refer your teen to a counsellor but word-of-mouth referrals are just as helpful. Although it is can be difficult to ask other people about their counselling experiences, you may be surprised at how open people are if you are brave enough to ask them. 

Anxiety expert Dr Jodi Richardson says, “Finding the right psychologist is like finding the right pair of jeans – the first one you try might not be the right fit.” If your teen doesn’t hit it off with the first counsellor they see doesn’t mean that counselling isn’t for them. Counselling is a very personal experience so a good relationship with their counsellor is essential. Your teen needs to feel comfortable, respected and able to build a high level of trust with this person as it can be very challenging to share and be vulnerable.

Teens are not yet adults. The problems they have and the way they deal with them are unique to this age group so try to find a counsellor who specialises in working with teenagers. If your teen is 16 years or older, their counsellor will not disclose any information to you about their sessions unless they are concerned that the young person is at risk of harming themselves. 

However, parents can be involved in the process of selecting a counsellor. Counselling is an investment of time and money. You will want to feel comfortable about entrusting your teenager’s well-being to a stranger. There are some things you should ask a prospective counsellor before going ahead with treatment. Such as the type of therapy practices they use, their hourly rate, what funding is available and how to apply for it. It is also very important to check that they are registered with New Zealand’s largest counselling association, NZAC.

Mental health is complex so it will take a few sessions for your teen and their counsellor to get to know each other. But, if your teen doesn’t seem to be noticing any positive shifts in how they think or feel, the techniques used don’t seem to be helping, or they feel like the counsellor just doesn’t “get them”, it might be time to look for a better fit. 

Your teen doesn’t have to hit rock bottom before they seek out help. Just a few sessions of counselling can support your teen with self-discovery, stress, life events, or mental health issues. Counselling can prevent minor issues from turning into more significant problems later on.

It can be difficult for parents to hand their teens over to the private world of the counselling rooms and be somewhat left in the dark as to what is going on. But this safe and private space will allow the healing journey for your teen to take place.