In about 8 months’ time, my firstborn will have finished his final year of high school. I am excited for him and all the adventures this next stage of life will bring. But I am also struggling with a rollercoaster of emotions, knowing that this part of our journey together is nearly over.

Some teens are more than ready to leave school and launch out into the world. They know what industry they want to work in or which university they want to attend. And then there are some who find the whole prospect of leaving the safety of school and its familiarity quite daunting.

A gap year can be a good way for kids to figure out what they might like to do before they commit to tertiary study. But it is important for your teen to have a purpose and a plan during their gap year, as it should be a time of learning and growing. There are several ways to do a gap year, such as volunteering for a cause they believe in, internships, or travelling.

It takes a bit of work and stickability to prepare teenagers for independence, but when that much anticipated last day rolls around, we want to make sure we have given our teens the confidence to leave school feeling like capable young adults.

 
3 WAYS TO BUILD CONFIDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE IN YOUR TEEN

Adjust Your Parenting Role

When our teens were little we had the role of manager. We managed what they ate and when they went to bed, we planned their schedules and it was all very hands-on. Now as parents of teenagers we need to take on the role of the coach, which means more listening and being open to feedback from our teens, and less instructing. A great way to teach teenagers how to be responsible is by not doing so much for them.

Personally, I struggle with this as I like doing things for my family, it’s how I demonstrate my love. But I am working on it, and I have found this quote by counsellor and author Sissy Goff to be quite helpful as I resist the urge to get rid of that apple core that’s been sitting in the bedroom for days, “I tell parents that breezy is the best posture when it comes to teenagers. Act breezy. If you care more than she does, she’ll often care less – on purpose.” By doing less, natural consequences will occur and that is a great way to learn.

Teach Them Skills

By the time your teen is ready to leave school, they should already have learnt a vast range of life skills. There are practical skills such as managing money and internet banking, being able to cook a basic healthy meal or two and how to wash their clothes. Being organised is important too, how much time have you wasted looking for your car keys?  Teach your teen to put their keys, or any other item of importance, in the same spot every time to save a daily treasure hunt.

A part-time job is great for learning about the value of money, and it also teaches our teens about punctuality, commitment and work ethic. Teenagers need to make their own decisions, this can be painful to witness at times, but they need to know that they can make mistakes and learn from them.

Speaker and author Yvonne Godfrey says, “Whatever is important to you, remember that the dreams and wishes you have for your children are not goals to be achieved, because you are not in control of your children’s decisions – nor should we be. We are, however, responsible to influence them and equip them with the right skills and mindsets for adulthood.”

Get A Life Of Your Own

If you have a teen who is just about out the school gates then you have been parenting for a good 17 or 18 years now. Parenting is a hard job that never really seems to stop. We, Mums, pour ourselves out when we are raising a family, and we can sometimes lose a bit of who we are along the way. It is a bittersweet time when you realise your baby is almost a young adult, but it can be a time of excitement for us too.

As our teens are getting on with what is next for them, look at the positive things that this change will bring. It could be a new hobby or career change, or it might just be the fact that you don’t have to make another school lunch, (yes I am still doing this) don’t judge me. At this stage of parenting, a good support group of friends is so important, especially if they have teenagers too or are already ahead of you. I am grateful for my friends, near and far, with who I get to share laughter, frustration and a few tears with as we walk the parenting road together. 

We will still worry about our teenagers. Are they safe? Are they happy? Are they having 2-minute noodles for dinner again? Take a deep breath, be excited for them, and trust that you have done the best job you could have done as their parent.